The Way - Proverbs 31
Helper
15 The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. 16 And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, 17 but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”
18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said,
“This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” - Genesis 2:15-23
Roles and Functions
Adam created, put in the garden, to steward over God’s creation
This is the role of both men and women
In this we understand within the role are certain functions
For the man, it is to work and keep it
For the woman, it is to help man to work and keep it
Role of Man
The man’s principal commission is to “work” and “take care” of his pristine garden home (v. 15).
The word translated “work” (ʿābad) is the common one for tilling the soil (e.g., 3:23; 4:2, 12) or for other labor (e.g., Isa 19:9); it also speaks of “service” to another (e.g., 29:15; 31:6) and is often used of worship (e.g., Exod 3:12)1
“Take care” (šāmar) probably p 210 specifies the nature of Adam’s labor.
It describes the occupation of Abel (4:9)2
Role of a Woman
There is a functional difference that exists between the man and woman. She is called Adam’s “helper” (ʿēzer), which defines the role that the woman will play.
In what way would Eve become a “helper” to the man?
The term means “help” in the sense of aid and support and is used of the Lord’s aiding his people in the face of enemies (Pss 20:2 [3]; 121:1–2; 124:8).
Moses spoke of God as his “helper” who delivered him from Pharaoh (Exod 18:4), and it is often associated with “shield” in describing God’s protective care of his people.3
Context of Helper
Both equal unto God, both tasked with stewarding over what God has created, but different functions of those roles
What the man lacks, the woman accomplishes. As Paul said concisely, the man was not made for the woman “but the woman for the man” (cf. 1 Cor 11:9). The woman makes it possible for the man to achieve the blessing that he otherwise could not do “alone.” And, obviously, the woman cannot achieve it apart from the man.4
Proverbs 31 Background
The Aim
Why did I go through all of that? To give us a better context in understanding Proverbs 31
We’ve made this passage something it never was or is
It’s good for selling devotionals, doing podcasts, making videos for youtube
But it’s sending the wrong message
All of this stuff is out there because there’s something we’re looking for to model after and that’s a good thing
As a man, I am looking for examples in the Bible on how to be a Godly man
The bad thing is we’ve taken something in this passage and made it into another thing it was never intended to be
What is this thing?
A checklist of perfection
Our aim today is to provide understanding of how you can learn to fulfill your God designed role as helper in the domain God has given you.
The Proverbs 31 woman shows us how this role of helper works out in daily life.
Misunderstanding of Proverbs 31
What is it not?
It’s not a checklist
Not treating it like a checklist you have to accomplish and a checklist of accomplishments
It’s about who you are becoming in Christ
It’s internal, not external
3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. - I Peter 3:3-4
It’s not only for married women
The qualities apply to all women of faith.
3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. - Titus 2:3-5
It’s not about perfection but devotion
A heart posture toward God.
41 But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, 42 but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.” - Luke 10:41-42
Proverbs 31 Explained
What It Is
What is it?
Acrostic Poem
Abecedarian
Each verse begins with a different Hebrew letter meant to be memorized, recited, and celebrated.
This poem paints a picture of a woman who embodies real, practical wisdom from A to Z
It Starts in Verse 1
Many scholars agree that Lemuel is Solomon and his mother, Bathsheba, is the one writing this
1 The words of King Lemuel. An oracle that his mother taught him: 2 What are you doing, my son? What are you doing, son of my womb? What are you doing, son of my vows? 3 Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy kings. 4 It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine, or for rulers to take strong drink, 5 lest they drink and forget what has been decreed and pervert the rights of all the afflicted. 6 Give strong drink to the one who is perishing, and wine to those in bitter distress; 7 let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more. 8 Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. 9 Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy. Proverbs 31:1-9
Stereotypically this chapter is about the Proverbs 31 woman, but the instructions begin with how to be a Proverbs 31 man.
The first nine verses are all about what a godly leader would look like.
A godly man is sexually pure, not a drunkard, and speaks out on behalf of the poor and the oppressed.
For men, if you want to find the right person, you have to be the right person.
If you want to marry a true princess, you have to act like a righteous king.
Description of A Godly Woman
There’s a natural transition, that is really a continuation
I’ve told you not to pursue, and here’s who you should be looking for
Again, this is an acrostic poem, an Abecedarian, so it starts with the first letter of the Hebrew alphabet
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. - Proverbs 31:10
א The first Hebrew word of Proverbs 31:10 (the first verse of this acrostic) is woman—a word that starts with the first letter of the Hebrew alphabet
“Woman of valor, who can find?”
Jewels, the literal is rubies
In Proverbs 3:15, 8:11 and 20:15, rubies are said to barely compare with divine wisdom.
So another layer to this verse is the implication that finding a woman like this is an act of great wisdom.
The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. - Proverbs 31:11
ב Husband is the first word of the next verse—which starts with the second letter of the Hebrew alphabet.
Not only has he trusted her with his heart, her trustworthiness also means “he hath no lack of gain.”
The Hebrew here implies spoil or plunder.
Her valor exceeds the value of rubies and the spoils of war.
Valor is translated as strength
In order to be a helper, you need to be a woman of strength
She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. - Proverbs 31:12
ג Reward is how the Hebrew for Proverbs 31:12
After verses describing rubies and then great spoils of war, this verse underscores the return on the investment.
In fact, the remaining verses expound in elaborate detail on that return.
Work For Home
Starting into verse 13, the acrostic poem breaks off into two different chiasms.
The first line parallels the last line, the second line parallels the second-to-last line, and so forth, until the main point is revealed in the middle.
The first chiasm places the focus on the woman’s work for her home.
This is a in direct opposition to culture today
It’s clear in Scripture, both directly and in deriving from contexts like what we’re about to read, that the primary responsibility for a woman is the home
This is not to say a woman can’t work, but if work causes the home to suffer, things are out of order
In the context of the role of a helper:
While many men might lock their possessions away when they are on a trip, the Proverbs 31 man does not.
In fact, he leaves all of his possessions with his wife, who leverages them and expands them.
If the king is away negotiating in Egypt, he is likely to come back to a kingdom that has grown under his wife’s watch.
So if a man is going to work, doing business, or is building God’s Kingdom, with a helper and woman of strength at home, he is likely to come back to a home that has grown both spiritually and functionally.
13 She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.
16 She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.
Reputation of Her Husband
The second focus is on the reputation of her husband.
The context of the chapter makes clear that this woman’s virtue is being described through the lens of her husband.
After all, this is the kind of woman Lemuel’s mom tells him to marry.
She will not only advance her household, but her husband’s reputation will flourish because of her.
People will look to the king and see the virtues of his wife.
20 She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
Fruits and Rewards
27 She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” 30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates. - Proverbs 31:26-31
Post Script
The greatest thing you can do for your husband is to ask him what he needs help with.
More specifically, how can I be your helper?
Now, regardless if this man follows the Lord, or is doing things right, this is what the Lord requires.
Men, your work is until the Lord, it is an act of worship.
You need to have a vision, you need to know where you are taking your family and how your helpmate can be that very thing.
When she asks you, what do you need help with, you should know
Warning: There needs to be no offense with what the man is asking for help in.
Outside of abusive demands, if he’s a man of good character and is asking for help in a specific area, there needs to be a value put on this and a heart of gladness to help with it.
For a single woman, your help right now is unto the Lord.
You have a great purpose and opportunity.
With the opportunity, you can grow into the helper and woman of strength as you grow in the Lord.
With the great purpose, as you grow, you can disciple other women to do the same. You can serve in the church.
For a single man, if you want queen, act like a king
Listen to the words of verses 1-9 and take heed
Pour yourself into finding the purpose God has created you for and lock into it
Footnotes
1 - K. A. Mathews, Genesis 1-11:26, vol. 1A, The New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1996), 209.
2 - K. A. Mathews, Genesis 1-11:26, vol. 1A, The New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1996), 209-210.
3 - K. A. Mathews, Genesis 1-11:26, vol. 1A, The New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1996), 214.
4 - K. A. Mathews, Genesis 1-11:26, vol. 1A, The New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1996), 214
Other research websites:
https://armstronginstitute.org/877-a-poetic-appeal-for-finding-a-valiant-woman
https://thecripplegate.com/the-beauty-of-proverbs-31/
For all of Pastor Ryan’s teaching notes, click here.